Not The Reaction You Want From A Medical Expert

After about two and a half weeks of my throat hurting on and off, I went to the doctor. I'd thought it was allergies, but then I noticed a few days ago that my gland on the side where my throat hurt had started to swell. That doesn't happen with allergies.

The office called me in early yesterday. I'd had an appointment for 1PM, but the doctor came in early in the morning so they told me to come right over. The office is less than five minutes away by car, so I put on some clothes, threw my hair into a hasty bun, and flew over. Then I waited in the waiting room for at least a half an hour. I met one of my parents' friends there, so we talked, and then when he went in, I read through a magazine for women in their 40s and 50s.

Sidenote: I'm now noticing that I got a splotch of self tanner on my hand between my thumb and pointer and it's annoying the crap out of me. That's not going to fade any time soon.

So back to the doctor. I went in. I waited in the exam room for another fifteen to twenty minutes. This whole time I could've been reading, but since I'd run out of the house, I didn't bring my book. Finally, he came in. I told him what the problem was. He looked into my mouth with his little light.

He said, Whoa.

That's never a good way to start off a diagnosis.

He asked if I have a problem swallowing. I said that it hurts when I swallow but I don't have a problem with it.

Then he proceeds to tell me that my gland is so swollen that it is pushing my tonsil out into my throat. Then he used a word that sounded like peritonsilitis. Then he asked again if I had a problem swallowing. I said no. He said that people come into the office drooling because they can't swallow from what I have. I'm just now realizing how dirty this conversation sounds.

So he gave me a whopping dosage of antibiotic. He said that he's giving me a higher dose than he usually gives for a sore throat because my gland is really swollen. I think he really enjoyed my medical rarity. He said that if I get sick from the meds, I can start to back off after a few days and lower the dosage, but if I'm okay with it, he'd like me to finish it out at full dosage, again because my gland is humongous.

No, no. Stop it. You cannot be me. I know, I know. It's so very sexy. Don't be jealous. If I knew how I got it, I'd let you know. For now, let's just bask in the wonderment of a gland so big it pushes out a tonsil.